


One Last Dance

by poppetawoppet



Series: dance [1]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 07:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4737698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for the wedding. But the boys aren't getting married, and one of them has feelings about it</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Dance

You're a coward.

You've been avoiding seeing him as much as possible since the news broke. There's always a rehearsal, or an interview. The truth is, you can't stand the thought of seeing him, because everything you feel will come bubbling up again, and you wonder why you haven't said anything.

But you are his best man, and you organized the bachelor party. So you show up.

You didn't think he would get married again. You didn't think either of you would, because you both failed at it so miserably. But then six months ago he calls you with the announcement, practically bouncing off the walls, and you pretend to be happy, because he sounds happy.

You may have gotten quietly drunk in the privacy of your home that evening.

You look around the room, all of you miraculously together again, time suspended in another moment. It had been Allison's wedding the last time, and you had marveled at how Michael's kids had grown, and how big Ryder was, and what a great big brother he was making. Seeing Matt as a dad, half-kid himself still made you shake your head.

You think that could be you, if you wanted.

The man of the hour is currently dancing with Allison, the two of them giggling because it's one of her songs, the one that won the Grammy. The one she wrote all on her own, and you feel so proud, as if you were her father instead of her friend.

You smile, and laugh, and pretend nothing is wrong. After all, you two are just friends. Kris and Adam. Adam and Kris. The word Kradam hasn't popped up in _years_ except in your own dreams, and you are so scared to verbalize them they slipped right out your hands.

You have a headache the next day, and you wonder if it is the alcohol, or the bottled up emotions you've kept locked up all these years. You stand next to him and grin, relying on years of lying to the press to fool everyone in the room.

Then you see his intended, and the way he looks. You think to yourself _We used to look at each other like that_ and then you realize it's truly over. That you can't say anything now, because he's _happy_ and you could never stop that. Because he deserves it.

You make a toast that makes everyone laugh and cry, and he smiles at you in thanks and your heart trips a little, because you don't get over things like this, you don't recover from love this deep. But you know you have to somehow.

You watch the first dance from a corner, and you see Allison looking at you, a tilt to her head that says she knows, and you have to walk out before your face shows any more.

There is a balcony, quiet and empty. The press has been paid handsomely to stay away, so you let your guard down for a moment, clutching to the necklace you always wear, the one from oh so long ago.

You realize you've watched _Titanic_ too many times when you find it in your hands, dangling precariously over the edge. You always thought that part was stupid, because it was just a fucking diamond and there was no point throwing it into the ocean. She could have easily sold it and forgotten it existed.

You don't think you can ever forget this necklace. You are clutching it so tightly the music note is probably branded into your palm.

"Hey. You okay?"

You turn and look at Allison. You want to say everything then and there, but what good would it do? You shrug your shoulders and give her a half smile.

"Yeah. Just was daydreaming. Wanna dance?"

"Always."

You lead her back in the room, and you distract yourself by partying a little, enjoying your friends again. Towards the end of the night Matt and Anoop are dancing with each other, and Megan is watching in laughter. Allison is swaying with her husband, grinning from ear to ear. Tommy is running around after his kids, and Monte is currently doing karaoke with Mike, both of them laughing so hard because they can't remember the words to Bohemian Rhapsody even with the words right in front of them.

The he taps you on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but you haven't danced with me yet."

You smile. "You haven't asked yet."

You still fit inside his arms, and you sway slowly, even though it's some dance pop remix thing, trying to make a joke. Everyone rolls their eyes, because it's you two, and you have to be different.

"You okay? You've been quiet?" he asks, and you wonder if he even suspects.

"Yeah. Weddings weird me out. You know."

"Yeah. You should have brought that girl. What was her name? Brittany?"

You laugh. "How about no. I'm fine. Really. You're happy and that's all that matters."

He smiles, and for a brief moment you lean your head into his shoulder and pretend that this is real, that you put the ring on his finger. But then his husband cuts in and you wander off, alone.

At the end of the night the grooms are saying their goodbyes, giving everyone a hug and a kiss, even Michael, who simply leans in and lets it happen. No one is surprised.

Josh pecks you on the cheek, and you shake your head and kiss him quickly on the lips.

"I've kissed a boy before. I mean who hasn't when Brad is drunk?"

He laughs at you. "Thanks for being here. It meant a lot to Adam."

He gathers you in a hug, and you whisper in his ear. "I know everyone has already told you not to hurt Adam, so I have only this to say. Please make him as happy as he is today forever. If you can handle it."

"I'll do my best."

He moves onto Leila and then Adam is in front of you.

"Hey," he says.

"Stop being such a dork and hug me already."

You remember these hugs, you've had a million of them, but this one is the best and the worst, because you're saying goodbye, even if he doesn't know it. You'll still be friends, but this changes things, changes any hope you had left.

Then he steps back.

"You aren't okay."

"I'm fine. I'm just happy for you, you moron. Happy tears."

He looks like he doesn't believe you for a moment, but then he smiles and you breathe again. Then he kisses you, soft and light and everything in you aches to lean in and taste, just for a moment, but you step back first.

"Now be careful. Don't get photographed naked on the beach again."

He laughs and turns away, and you concentrate on breathing, trying not to fall apart til everyone is gone. The party lasts about another hour, and you leave with Allison and her husband, and she squeezes you extra hard, and tells you to call if you need anything, a significant look in her eyes.

She knows, but you'll never confirm it. Because saying it aloud will only make it worse.

You make your way home, and no one is there to greet you except a sleeping dog. You let out a breath, shedding most of your clothes and lying down in bed, curled on your side.

You don't want to sleep, because the dreams are always the same, and tonight would just be a variation on a theme.

You would be standing at the altar, and he'd be saying your name in the vows, he'd be looking at you the way he used to, and then he would kiss you, soft and sweet and just the hint of wickedness promised in his eyes.

You get up and get quietly drunk again, not even realizing the tears have come until you go to take off your shirt and it is damp.

Then you dream of one last dance, all the while hoping the morning never comes, because then real life is there again, and you are, as you ever will be alone.

Because you are a coward, and it is too late to change.


End file.
